Friday, February 13, 2015

Dark Future - Last Battle Report


Once more unto the breach, dear readers, once more;
Or close the wall up with our burning sleds.



Having reviewed the rules, and laid waste to two highways, the open road has led us to the final act.  I give you the third installment of our battlereports:

DEATHDRAG RACE 1994

First, let's look at the new entrants:
Here's my older son's Jeep.
A stunning likeness!

And the Killer Kart!
So we set up the three new cars and added in the Datsun and the Killer Kart Redux from prior battles.  We lined them up in two teams, side by side, and let the handkerchief drop!
Nothing but the dusty, open asphalt road lay before the drivers.  
They rev'ed their engines . . .
. . . and off they went . . . at incredibly slow speeds (as you can see from the speed tracking dice).  The Killer Kart sped ahead and made a uTurn, in an ill-fated attempt to shoot the Datsun.  Meanwhile, the Jeep sideswiped the Killer Kart Redux repeatedly (with added damage, due to the Jeep's spiked wheels . . . and my older boy's self-favoring house-rules).   
The Jeep punished the fragile Killer Kart Redux, eventually wrecking it.  Meanwhile, the original Killer Kart got some good shots in at the Datsun, but not enough to silence the Datsun's rattling machine gun.  The Killer Kart died an honorable death, while the Datsun lived on with a piston or two remaining.
Unfortunately for the fans who had shown up for some speed action, the drag strip turned into an LA Freeway at 5pm on a Friday.  The Jeep rammed into its compatriot, stopping the Jeep in its tracks, while the Datsun added insult to injury with a rear-end collision, damaging the Jeep, but also leaving the Datsun on its last leg.
Sensing weakness, the Jeep quickly reversed and rammed the Datsun, turning the Datsun into a brick.  
So, what was supposed to be a drag race turned into a movie theater parking lot right after a midnight showing of Vanishing Point.  It was absurd, funny and awesome at the same time.  We loved it.  What a great way to end a day of gaming.

If you've been with us since the start of our Dark Future obsession, thanks for sticking along.  And if your name is Chico, then know that you are the man who inspired us to finally build the Mad-Max-inspired-Hot-Wheels that had only been dreamed of for thirty-some-odd years  . . . since Car Wars graced our linoleum kitchen floor.


Thank you, and drive offensively!